Be Taking a Big Leap

As an Arbonne Independent Consultant and wonder of my own Pure Bravery coaching company, I’m always working on self growth…..at times more intently than others. After I hit my second promotion within 7 months of beginning my business, I was told I needed to read “The Big Leap.” So I loaded it onto my Amazon Audible app on my phone and began listening a bit. Life got a tad in the way from time to time but something about this book was clicking with me.

And then today, I discovered something big.

The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks, is a must read. The basic theory behind this book is that at times when we succeed, when we have good things and good fortune coming into our lives, for many of us it can be too much. We struggle with having that much goodness, that much success or luck or love in our lives that it makes us feel uncomfortable, without even realizing it. And then, without any intention of our conscious mind, we sabotage ourselves.

Think about it…...I’ve seen it multiple times in my life as a therapist.

A guy who has a great promotion at work starts to get sick and misses multiple days of work.

A couple who is trying to have a baby gets pregnant and then starts to have more little “fights” than they usually do.

A woman with an eating disorder goes 5 days without binge behavior and then goes out for a dinner with a friend and can’t stop herself when the food keeps coming.

It happens. When I hit my second promotion in Arbonne, I started to actually get a bit fearful, and then the negative head trash began. “What if I can’t keep this momentum going? What if I fail? Did I really just hit his mark? Me?” And on and on it went.

For many of us, we have an “upper limit” to how much goodness we can receive in our lives. We struggle to believe we can receive it, maintain it or we struggle to believe that we even DESERVE it, which challenges our cognitions about what’s going on.  My upper limit says, “I cannot continue to have success because of (fill in the blank).”

So today, on my run while visiting family in Arizona, it hit me…….I’ve been hitting my upper limit of happiness and sabotaging myself ALL YEAR LONG. Here’s how I came to a big realization……

After the IMAZ accident in 2014, I received an overwhelming response of support, both emotionally, physically, financially and mentally. I had the love of family and friends that exploded beyond my awareness. I had friends from childhood all the way up to my present day circle respond with overwhelming love. I had funds raised on my behalf that kept me alive and paying my medical bills. In short, the response to helping me was beyond anything I thought I’d ever receive. I never in a million years would have guessed I could be loved and supported that much. And it still to this day takes my breath away.

So here’s what I realized happened….when recovery came and progressed and life went back to somewhat “normal” status, it wasn’t easy for me to adjust back to my “new” life. While life was indeed moving on, I was still struggling. I was alone again and feeling handicapped. I wasn’t sure what lay ahead of me down the road and I was scared. And I began sabotaging myself. I hid from others and kept my pain secret. I didn’t utilize the plethora of people at my side to help me along. I ate a ton of sugar, something that had always helped me cope with pain as a child and it resulted in a weight gain of 15+ pounds over the past year. I withdrew and reacted to many things in my life out of fear instead of utilizing the tools I knew I had and the relationships I knew would be there.

In my own sabotage I realized that deep down within, I had this lie I believed that I didn’t DESERVE to feel so loved. I wasn’t WORTH the support of so many….and that ultimately it would all go away, so I just needed to realize that NOW. This realization totally hit me like a ton of bricks today. Wow.

Internally I was thinking “You shouldn’t feel this loved or supported because all in all, you are fundamentally flawed.” This thought created cognitive dissonance the mind “tug of war” when you try to hold 2 opposing thoughts at the same time. So I was dealing with the reality that I had a ton of love and support while also dealing with the belief that I was/am fundamentally flawed. 2 opposing thoughts/beliefs. “Given that I am bad/flawed/etc, how can I possibly be this rich in love and support?”

THus the cognitive dissonance can only be resolved in 2 ways…..either I sabotage myself and return to what “feels normal” (aloneness, loneliness, failure in taking healthy steps towards healthy) OR by letting go of the old belief which allow you to stabilize at the higher level and ultimately grow.

Isn’t this amazing? This was a huge realization for me today, something that I blamed myself for not realizing a LONG time ago. I was getting in my own way by believing something that was keeping me from being happy. We all do this from time to time. My own clients do this perpetually. They don't trust themselves or believe they deserve good things so when they’re successful for multiple days, something happens and that is their “reset” back to a level that feels comfortable and more “like them”......failure. This is the “upper limit bug” which bites me when I my higher levels of love, abundance and ability which I smack at when I feel like I’m hitting my limits in order to bring me back to a more understandable and more familiar level. The “bug” wins and I lose.

It makes me seriously wonder what would have happened if I had seriously pushed against the thoughts in my head that kept making me believe I wasn’t worthy of so much love and support. What if I would have reached out to others when I was scared and when I felt alone? What if I would have told others how handicapped and alone I felt even though I kept thinking it was time to be self-sufficient? What if I had expressed how sad and angry I was about the accident instead of eating it away? What if I would have believed it would be OK to express anger about the accident even though I was still grateful for being alive? Grateful for not having to sell my house and move home with my parents? Can you imagine how much easier this year could have been if I would have pushed against the fast beliefs that I had hit my limit for the goodness I could handle in my life?

This about it for yourself….how many times to things go really well and then the head trash begins. Or the sabotaging behaviors take over and that goal you have for yourself just gets ignored or the excuses keep coming.

My mind is blown by this book and I’ll keep reading and sharing.

I’m ready to take my Big Leap. Join me.

Be Taking a Big Leap. Be Brave.