Be Friends with 2015 & Be Wise

Confession time: I haven’t written a blog entry in weeks…..this wasn’t on purpose, but more likely due to the fact that I wasn’t really “embracing” 2015 quite yet. It’s been a challenging first few weeks of the year here and like many of us, I’ve been avoiding stuff I really need to just approach and put out there…..sigh. Always learning, aren’t we?

Since being back in Ohio after early (and surprising) recovery in Arizona, I’ve come to realize that in the midst of coming back to my life here, my “normal” isn’t the same anymore. There are so many things about this recovery process that haven’t been my cup of tea. It’s funny how I can be grateful for the gift of life AND struggling with how to be “ME” again. What if that’s all changed? How am I to live normally again? I am a DIFFERENT person AND athlete now than I was 8 weeks ago!!!

In reality it’s been hard to come to terms with the fact that my training isn’t where I wish it was and my work life isn’t back to full time yet. Both of these areas were things I felt “strong” and upon returning to Ohio, I’ve had to “ease” back into training and presently am only able to work part time due to ongoing recovery efforts. Again, when life changes and the things that at one time were my STRONGEST parts of self, can now, at times, make me feel somewhat handicapped…...which is beyond challenging for this perfectionistic mind.

In my counseling practice, we teach our clients that the best wisdom and decisions they can make come from their “wise mind.” Wise mind is usually made of both the “rational mind” and the “emotional mind.” Rational mind is simply that...it’s rational. It knows the rules, the strengths and weaknesses and the logic behind arguments. Operating solely out of rational mind can be helpful, but it can also take any sort of feeling out of important, meaningful decisions. Emotional mind is just that….it’s emotional. This, of course, isn’t always bad, but when we sometimes make decisions ONLY from emotional mind, these may or may not be based in reality.

So the biggest reality I’ve come to in the past few weeks since being back, and starting 2015, is that I’m living most of my time in my emotional mind….which again, while beautiful and helpful, isn’t the only place I should be living. Get ready for some fun, because I’m going to narrate the ongoing emotional mind conversations I’ve been having with myself since coming back from AZ……

“It’s freaking cold here! But why are you always complaining about the cold? You WANTED to come home, remember? Shut up and enjoy it! Nope, not running at full tilt yet….that really sucks. Your body right now and your body 8 weeks ago are SO radically different. You’re slower, you’re softer, you’re not in any shape that you worked so hard to be in last fall…..way disappointing. You lost so much core fitness when you were in the hospital. Your body still carried many scars that don’t go away quickly. Better get used to it. Oh and remember that job you really excelled at? You can’t work more than part time right now even though financially you wish you could be back at 100%. Stupid traumatic brain injury makes you struggle with fatigue later on in the day…...again, you’re slow and handicapped. Get over it. Hopefully your colleagues won’t be disappointed if this goes on for the 6+ months the neurosurgeon quoted you! Great. Oh, and don’t think too much about that triathlon/running coaching company you wanted to start on the side AND name “Pure Bravery.” Who in their right mind would want to coach with you, knowing you’re not an elite athlete and you would literally be starting out in an area already saturated by coaches? Oh, and don’t share any of the negative or challenging thoughts with anyone….you don’t want to appear weak or ungrateful…..again just suck it up already and don’t be a loser…..at least not publicly.!”

Interesting, eh? Our emotional minds can be both a blessing and also a challenging place to reside if we always make decisions from this place. Luckily there are times, small times, but some times when I’ve been able to really step in my rational mind and see my current challenges for what they are…..just challenges. I’ve got some amazing pals who are able to step in and remind me that the way I’m thinking or feeling might not be the ONLY way to approach or interpret my life.

So here’s a bit of the rational mind AND wise mind…..it’s there ALL the time, but admitedly can be ignored at times:

“Amy, relax! It’s Ohio…..it’s going to be cold! It’ll only last for a few months though and it won’t always be this dreary or bad. You’ve been through many Ohio winters so just try to remember they aren’t always misery. Oh, and ff course your body isn’t where it was 8 weeks ago! You were in a major accident and was almost close to death, spent 2 weeks in a hospital bed and another 2 weeks at home with your parents in Arizona with super limited mobility. So it’s ok if your body isn’t where you WANT or WISH it could be. So what if you’ve lost a bit of core strength and feel a bit more “flabby!” Remember that getting back on the saddle is a choice and everyday you choose it because you consistently believe that bravery is key to life….so even if the fear is there, you BE BRAVE. It's ok if your Ironman strength is a bit slow right now. Oh, an so what if that spring marathon you always dreamt of doing this spring doesn’t happen! You’re getting your body back into running and races will always be there. Your Boston qualifying day will come. Right now it’s more important to get your body back to a place where running doesn’t hurt your ribs, where swimming doesn’t hurt your clavicle/shoulder, and where biking doesn’t FREAK you out! It’ll all come. Breathe. And remember that you want to be an example for others of strength and vitality. Oh, and the job stuff? Yeah, while you might be feeling “off” with not working full time yet, your BRAIN NEEDS TO FULLY HEAL. It’s really ok. You’re not stupid and you’re not handicapped. And seriously, if anyone thinks you’re lame for wanting to start a coaching company then ignore them. Seriously, they aren’t worth the time. You learned in this accident that life is a gift and we’re meant to do things we love. You CAN coach athletes….you CAN coach them in both training and the mental aspect of racing….you CAN help others reach their finish line. Believe in yourself. You’re more capable than you think.”

So it’s all in there…..it comes down to what I choose to listen to at various points in the day, I suppose. Everyday is different and each day I can go back and forth, getting really down on myself for not being where I was 8 weeks ago versus realizing that this present time is temporary….and it’ll all get back to “normal,” whatever that might be, someday.

Be Friends with 2015. Be Wise. Be Brave.