Be Rehabin': IMAZ Part 4

I had been in the hospital for almost an entire week when the news of “what would happen next” came up in conversation with doctors, my parents and myself. The doctors felt it was important to continue my recovery in the rehab unit of the hospital, mostly because I wasn’t able for my stitches to be removed yet AND the reality that the swelling on my brain had to stabilize and go down before I could be approved for flying back to Ohio, driving AND working.  I struggled with this news for so many reasons...mostly revolving around the belief that I needed to be home, not only for work and income purposes, but also because the longer I stayed in treatment, away from friends and isolated, the lonliner I became and the “worse” I felt I had failed this IM.  Despite my beliefs to do otherwise it wasn’t smart to get on a plane when I could have the dangerous reality of needing immediate medical help and increasing my likely of risking my life. So the next day I was scheduled to head to the 4th floor, the rehab floor….for how long? Who knew! Crap!

Later on that afternoon my door opened and shockingly enough my coach Carrie walked into the hospital room. I was literally stunned to have her there. I felt completely and totally vulnerable and weak, so having anyone come into that room (or on the phone) remind me of their love for me and their belief in my abilities….it was (and is) priceless. Carrie came in and informed me that she was there to support me for the next few days AND help me create plans and options for positivity, bravery, faith and courage. My parents came in a bit after Carrie and they left that night together as in a few hours I was discharged to the 4th floor. I felt determined that my stay in rehab would be MINIMUM.

That night as I stayed in rehab there were a whole bunch of new rules that left me feeling abandoned. I couldn’t get out of my bed without permission and couldn’t do anything without asking a nurse first (even though I felt very capable of doing it all). “That’s it.” I thought. “I’m out of here ASAP.” After crying that night a bit and talking to my parents and Carrie, I decided to embrace the reality of my life and see how the next day went.

The next morning I was instructed and taught about showering and doing PT work and speech work all in the morning before Carrie and my parents arrived. It was a lot of work and I felt completely competent in doing it even though I hurt (ribs/clavicle) doing it all. Carrie came in and had lunch with me while we talked a bit about how I am STILL racing IMAZ, even though I’m in the hospital. That was a big, helpful adjustment for me…as my whole life had been working towards finishing this race WELL. We created a journal of good eating habits, good mental thoughts to carry along, questions I had for the doctors in the next days and a calendar of checking off days I was in the hospital. On the whole I began to remember that I need to remember my work on this "IMAZ race" and my continuing to the finish. Finishing this race means doing everything I can to set myself up for possibilities next year. One day this accident would be a “blip” on my radar.

Carrie stayed with me for the day and then came with my parents the next morning before going to the airport and flying back to Ohio. When she left it was pretty much decided that I would be in rehab throughout the rest of the week, which meant staying there through Thanksgiving. It was a hard reality to swallow. The night before Thanksgiving my parents went back home and I cried to myself, so sad for missing being “home” and being “in the hospital” on a holiday. I was missing the Flying Feather or my annual Just Tri run and Thanksgiving at home.

My parents came and visited me on Thanksgiving and we had lunch together while I worked on some of my extra speech therapy homework as well….all my efforts were in an effort to put out “big” realities so I could be easily discharged on Friday. My AZ sweet friend Jamie brought me sweet goodies for Thanksgiving AND a sweet new fun wine glass I"m excited to use soon! 

On Friday there was a meeting that would determine how I would proceed with treatment...either staying in AZ until I cleared enough therapy outside the hospital to be released OR if I could be released ASAP. My biggest fear was that I’d be “stuck” in AZ for the rest of the month….and it felt again like a prison, when all I wanted was to go home.  

About an hour before the meeting was scheduled, my door opened again and my dearest friend Ann came walking in, followed by my older brother! This was ANOTHER major surprise. I had no clue Ann, who is as busy as anyone I know, would come on a plane for the weekend to be with me. It was literally shocking and still moves me when I think about it today. Ann stuck around that morning for our meeting with doctors and helped me understand the discharge plan. I was told I could leave the hospital but would need to have a few regular speech therapy sessions, a driving instruction test, a follow up with a neurosurgeon (to give me the permission to fly) and my rehab doctor (to give me permission to work/drive). This would mean another 1.5 weeks in AZ. It felt punishing, as all I wanted was to get out ASAP. But again, it’s the treatment I needed in order to stay healthy and strong, so with time and perspective from my family and Ann, it settled in a bit easier.

After discharge Ann came home with me and my parents and stayed the weekend with us which was super helpful. It was nice just to have someone to lay by the pool with, eat with and be my weak/vulnerable self with…..beyond that Ann’s knowledge of the medical field helped me immensely as she put together some help sheets for me to be able to understand what I needed to do for med management and for calling doctors the next week to schedule appointments, making sure I got them all scheduled before wanting to leave AZ. Ann brought with her yummy food that I had missed AND cards from so many people who had sent her cards to bring to me.

It was amazing….a big theme for me life during this tragedy has been to really close my eyes, take a deep breath, and feel myself being loved and supported. I never really thought I had this or deserved this kind of care...and it’s been there the entire time...it’s literally the force that keeps me moving forward, and I’m beyond grateful for every person in my corner.

The day after Ann left would mean I start making all the appointments I needed to make in the next 1.5 weeks before I could commit to leaving AZ and get back to OH. I woke up missing her company a lot!

Be Rehabin’. Be Brave.