Be Celebrating

Glass City Marathon, Toledo, Ohio, April 27, 2014. Last year this was a race that rained from start to finish and somehow (miraculously perhaps) I was fortunate to run my first sub-4 hour marathon. This year with a few scheduling challenges, I wasn’t able to run this race, but was able to find time to head up that way to cheer on dozens of running friends who were tackling the half and full marathon distance. What a day!

Red Bull and Bananas! It's GO TIME!

Representing the 614!!!

There were many dreams and hopes in the hearts of my fellow runners. Some were running their very first marathon ever, some were hoping for a PR, some were hoping to finish strong and have fun, some were hoping to race fast enough to have a BQ time and some were running to push their fellow runners along…..lots of reasons to run! For me personally it was a chilly and windy day but I never heard those conditions be a struggle for the runners….rather quite often I heard “we couldn’t have asked for better conditions.” Wow, great attitudes.

So speedy I barely go a picture of him! Go Bryan!

All in all I saw amazing performances. Tons of personal bests, tons of first marathon finishes, and tons of BOSTON QUALIFIERS! Being at the finish and watching the faces of my friends who recognized they qualified for the illustrious Boston Marathon was beautiful. So amazing.

Way to go Sullivan! She'll run her 2nd Boston!

First time qualifier Sue Bell! Way to go !

2 BQ's! Way to go Coach Teri and Angela!

Huener did it! It'll be her 2nd Boston!

She did it! Stephanie Harless with a first BQ!

What a great day for MIT athletes!

And if I'm honest, there was a bit of my own ego getting in the way. I had struggled in my marathon 2 weeks ago in Athens, and my original goal there was not to get a BQ time, but to get closer to my BQ qualifying time. When things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go, I was trying really hard to maintain a strong mental position and be optimistic. And truthfully for about 80% of the time, I still am optimistic. There’s always that part of a runner’s brain that teases us, saying, “Could you have tried harder? Did you lay it all out there despite your hurting hip? Did you have what it takes like you’re seeing all your Glass City friends do today? Did you wimp out? They had strong headwinds too, maybe you just didn’t push it hard enough? Should you have overcome all the weather and body aches to still pump out a PR?” Blah, blah, blah…..I know that my big fish of the year is Ironman Arizona and chasing the dream of a BQ might have to wait a bit. So knowing that made it a little challenging yesterday. I can’t push that dream and train optimally for an Ironman. But one day I’ll get there.

Celebrating with beer and Crosley!

Martin, Crosley and Steph celebrate!

Amazing finishes abound!

Way to finish John!

A happy Stephanie sees her family!

Above all I celebrate the accomplishments of those I run with and that is beyond everything my own mind and ego try to push on me. I’m proud and grateful for these strong and talented people in my life and I’m grateful for the chance to see goals chased, dreams met and celebrations abound. It was a great day and I’m proud of you all. Now, it’s time to Be Celebrating! Be Brave.

Be Cleanin' off the Cobwebs

Happy Easter! This morning I was planning to meet up with a pal for a scheduled 2 hour bike ride, but plans for my pal fell through and I was left with a dilemma: either I get out the bike trainer and sit in front of the TV for 2 hours, or get over my fears of riding alone and pack myself up, put on some layers and head out to ride in the great outdoors. Not sure how it happened, but I found myself driving up to Alum Creek and planned to do the 17 mile Wendy’s Triathlon route which I suspected if I did it twice, would take me about 2 hours. I’ve done that loop before when I needed a 2 hour ride, so it was decided. How could I be a wimp and ride my bike trainer on a nice day?

I’ve ridden outside multiple times but this would be my first time outside this season, AND my first time riding solo outside this season. Not sure if many of you have been following the news, but there have been MULTIPLE car accidents this past year involving cyclists. Some have been tragically fatal. It seemed at one point that we were hearing about one accident per week. So part of my hesitation was fear…..fear of being in an accident and having that supposed accident happen when I was riding alone. Maybe I was being irrational, but there it is. I’d have to get outside someday though….can’t ride the trainer the whole year.

Check out #CARBIKELOVE on Facebook

While I had read earlier that the winds would be minimal, I had a headwind for various parts of the ride and that’s always tough. I was supposed to pick a route that was somewhat flat and it turns out I forgot how hilly the Wendy’s tri bike course actually is….not crazy hilly, but there were some hills. With the headwind the hills were tough. But all in all for my first ride outside this season, I finished. Slower than I usually am (about avg 16 mph) but I’ll take it.

It felt good to brush off the cobwebs and get out there again. Sometimes it just takes that first time to get back into a groove. I’m not the best at biking alone…..too much time with my thoughts and I can get lonely. But today was ok and the sun was out, which helped.

Looking forward to trying out the new bike too this year….I haven’t told many people about her, but mostly because I’ve still been in shock that I have her. I’m nervous to ride her outside, so again it’ll take jumping right in to get over that. She just seems too pretty…..too pretty to ride. Ha! But this bike and the riding position it will put me in will be great for Ironman Arizona. I’ve saved over 2 years for her…..meet my Kestrel 4000 Pro SL. I think I’ll call her “Killer.”

Sexy :)

Be cleanin’ off the cobwebs. Be Brave.

Be Remembering

Wow, what a week! After a rough marathon last Sunday (see earlier post) and a medical procedure this week (fun times, but saves my life every time!), the week was rounded out with a friend from college visiting from Virginia. My good friend Carrie Arnold (www.carriearnold.com) and I went to Hope College (www.hope.edu) together and graduated in 2002. Our paths crossed more influentially during the beginning of our senior year, when Carrie was heading into her first residential treatment program for her eating disorder. She has since written 3 books and become an award winning blogger. She’s inspiring and keeps on fighting the good fight. I was honored to have her be selected as a keynote speaker at our Spring Conference this past week and loved being able to host her and catch up! Fun times!

Tragically, on the same night Carrie arrived, I received a difficult phone call. I should preface this by saying that I’ve been honored to put on my “pastor” hat for friends of mine, whether it is officiating weddings, baptising children or even officiating funerals for their loved ones. But up until this week, I hadn’t been called upon in a pastoral capacity FOR a friend of mine who died. It’s totally different. And sad.

I went into shock. I had just spoken to Jeff within the past few days. He was asking about my marathon, as he graduated from OU and Athens, Ohio is his old “stomping” grounds. I’m not sure how I managed to do it, but I tried to start helping my friend who had called me about Jeff explain to his family what needed to happen next. They needed to call a funeral home. They needed to make arrangements. Just as important, they needed to figure out a way to disburse this information to the hundreds of individuals who would want to know….specifically people affiliated with Premier Races, Fleet Feet and Marathoner in Training. Jeff was a catalyst for so many people within my running group and this news would be shocking and sad to many.

Jeff ran so many MIT members in at the Columbus Marathon. So many remember running their first marathon ever with his help

A few of Jeff’s friends and colleagues began getting things in motion and I remained available if needed. While news started to trickle around, I found it challenging to pay attention to anything else. This was a big deal and Jeff meant a lot to a lot of people. He was young, too young, to leave us.  A letter was written and dispersed through the proper communication channels, social media, etc. Reactions were pouring in. Tough stuff.

MIT was a BIG part of Jeff's life

For me, Jeff was a good and dear friend. We chatted often and he was one of those friends who really challenged me and called me out on my crap. We’d bicker at times but then resolve things soon after. It was a nice reminder to me that you can butt heads with someone and still make it to the other side. He supported my athletic endeavors and we planned to race Ironman Arizona together this fall. Jeff “checked in” on me and I appreciated it. He also made sure I knew that my super short hair looked nice too…..at times I think of chopping it off again.

Jeff with his beloved pup Natalie, who passed away a few years ago

At the time being, plans are still in the works for a Celebration of Life service (http://www.schoedinger.com/obituaries/Jeffrey-Glaze/). We’re all grieving and settling into the news. It’s hard to imagine that I won’t be getting those random texts, calls and emails anymore. When I started this blog, Jeff emailed me to say he really liked it. Now I’m writing about Jeff who won’t get to read it anymore. I’m thinking of you Jeff and wishing you peace. You’ll be missed. Be Remembering. Be Brave.

Jeff and other MIT friends at the wedding, July 2011

Be Humbled

So I went into the Athens Marathon with big hopes and expectations of myself. Despite the fact that I had been suffering from hip pain and TFL issues (http://www.rehab4runners.co.uk/running-injuries/hip-groin-pain/tfl-pain/) for the past many few weeks, I had been diligent in the recent 2 weeks about stretching, resting, getting ART massage and PT therapy. I had done the training and was confident I could pull out a 3:45-3:50 marathon finish. All my speed work and training had indicated this would be a no brainer….and plus, the course at Athens is flat. Piece of cake, right.

The temps for the race start were in the 50’s and by the end it would be near 80 degrees. No problem, I figured. I really do well in the heat. That’s actually true, I just neglected to remember that I’d had literally NO chances to practice training in such heat over the miserable Ohio winter we've had. I had a nutrition plan and hydration plan and mental “mantra” plan. I decided I wasn't going to make the same mistakes I had made in my previous 2 marathons: going out too fast and bonking due to lack of nutrition. I had a good dinner the night before and felt rested.

The race started out well, I was moving along without any hip pain and at a pretty good clip (ok, maybe a bit too fast, but I was still doing ok). The Athens course is out and back along their bike path which is fine, just kinda lonely with little crowd support (www.athensmarathon.org). When the half marathoners turned around I still felt good. I continued to keep up on my plan until the turnaround point for us full marathoners, about 13-14 miles. Turning around was a rude awakening. We were running INTO the wind. And this wasn’t just a little breeze, this was constant and probably at least 20 mph. It felt like running into a wind tunnel. Because the leaves on the trees along the bike path weren’t in bloom yet, there was nothing to stop the wind. I kept plugging along, thinking that it would give at some point.

At about mile 15-16, my hip started to seize up. It hurt a bit but nothing I could keep moving forward on so I did. In the wind tunnel. Ugh, it was rough. I kept trying to mentally push myself forward. I played “chase” with a few other runners and we joked about the crazy wind, because obviously it was affecting us all. At about mile 18 my hip was hurting more and I noticable slowed. This was frustrating me but I just figured my A+ goal would have to be put off for now. I still had goal B. Kept moving forward. By this time the heat was getting rough. (And on a side note, even though you like your Marathoner in Training (www.trainwithmit.com) t-shirt that says “PACER” on the back...don’t wear it in a race. It’s not worth the aggravation).

By mile 20 I was in more pain. I stopped to stretch and lost more time. The heat was more intense and the wind tunnel didn't stop. I knew I was slowing but I kept running. Just anything to move me forward at this point. By mile 21 I was starting to cry….for my lost goals and also due to pain. I had a medical personnel ask me to slow down and come off the course. Nope, I kept going. Ugh. By mile 24 I was limping a bit and just couldn't get that damned TFL muscle to relax. Again, a medical person asked if I was ok and if I needed to stop and be escorted to the finish. At this point? No way. I’ll crawl if I have to. My B goal was over. Ok, maybe I can still finish under 4 hours.

I figured once we were off the bike path the wind would shift. Haha, wrong. Kept pushing me backwards. I kept thinking my Garmin would auto pause at some point, not believing I was actually moving ahead. When I entered the finish area at mile 26-ish we had to do a 1.25 loops around the track before I finished. I knew at this point the 4 hour mark was gone. Both goals were gone. At that point I kept thinking about my friends who were injured would would have done anything to run my slow pace that day. I was inspired by them on many levels and my empathy for their situation pushed me to finish. I was hurting, crying, hot and sore. I was WAY over the goals I had projected for myself that day and WAY beyond what I knew I was capable of, if I had been stronger and not been dealing with a challenging muscle. But I finished. And yes, I got a post race massage. It was delightful.

I made my way over to the awards tent and was thrilled to see so many of my MIT pals had placed in the half marathon. Those ladies are super bad-ass. I waited around a bit to see my other fellow marathoners finish but after a while I began to cramp up and needed to move. I made my way to my car and got on the road.

Looking back on today there are a lot of things I'm disappointed about. I wanted to PR….I wanted it BAD. And I had tried to do everything possible to make that happen. But I can’t control the weather, the wind or my hip acting up. For me personally, while I'm disappointed about my finish, I'm more proud of the way I've mentally handled this disappointment. Being positive instead of having a pity party is a BIG deal for me. Last year I was PR’ing every race and convinced myself that races were only worth doing if you got a PR. So when the day came that I didn't get a PR (it was bound to happen...DUH), my coach (www.justtri.net) pulled me aside and said to me “Amy, I really need you to focus on what went well here. If you think you are going to PR every race you do, you will NOT last long in this sport.” Wow, that was powerful. So what went well in Athens? I was nutritionally on target. I used my mantras. I kept moving forward when my body was fighting me. I thought of my injured/sidelined friends when I wanted to throw a pity party. I showed up. I started. I finished. I had fun running and smiled at every mile marker and thanked volunteers. I ate a good meal the night before and a more proper breakfast the morning of the race. I rested and listened to my coach and others on my “treatment” team.

While the end result wasn't perfect, I’m taking what I learned and moving on. Boston is still a dream and one day it’ll happen. I hear they do it every year and it’s not going anywhere. This year there are big fish to fry and IMAZ is my glory day. I’ll be back to tackle a marathon again and it’ll be just as much of a gift as today. Be humbled. Be brave.

Be Bloggin'

On my last tempo run this morning before the Athens marathon on Sunday I had a thought about posting something about each of the blogs I listed on my own personal blog (on the right side). I know y'all are smart enough to click on the links if you're interested, but each of these blogs have inspired me in various ways....these folks are doing amazing things in their own effort to Be Brave.

-Base Tri Fitness: she's a business owner, a superstar athlete and an overall inspiring person whom I'm grateful for the chance to know. Lauren Updyke has been through numerous challenges in her life and has come through each one with the kind of strength I only hope one day I have achieve. She's mentally tough and inspires many. Read her stuff....it's worth it! (www.basetrifitness.com)

-Gym Class Dropout: I first met Amber when I was training with Team in Training almost 8 years ago, when I decided to try my luck at running. We both got married within a week of each other and attended the same U2 concert on our honeymoons! Lately Amber and her husband Tony have been tirelessly attending to their precious baby boy, Elias who in his short life has undergone numerous health challenges AND a liver transplant. She has the strength of a warrior. She's uber-brave! (www.gymclassdropout.blogspot.com)

-Gluten free is Life: Kim is a proud voice in the GF community and began her blog to help people like me not waste money on GF products that weren't tasty! She's smart, generous and has made tremendous strides in her life, all while forming her own career as a personal trainer and a coach in our running group! She inspires me more than she knows. (www.glutenfreeislife.com)

-Ditch the Tiara: life is crazy and how you meet people can be SO what you need at that point in your life. I met Kristina on my last little "spin" before IMKY in 2012. We literally met riding our bikes. She had this hot pink tri-bike that I was drooling over. We talked, got to know each other a bit and have kept in touch ever since. She is the epitome of bravery. She's been through lots of crap and continues to have one of the most amazing mindsets I've ever seen. She's bold, sassy and determined. Amazing gal! (www.ditchthetiara.blogspot.com)

-Keeping Tabs: Tabitha amazes me. She's brave enough to pick up her life and travel the world, without fear of knowing how everything might work out or what the next steps might be. Her experiences are amazing, and I"m proud to know her as my friend. I love her spirit for adventure and her writing is something I hope I can aspire to. Soon she'll be off earning her PhD! Follow her travels on her blog....VERY much worth it! (www.keeping-tabs.com)

-TRI'ing to be Fit: Iron Ann is a force to be reckoned with....this girl has done numerous Ironman triathlons including the epic Ironman Lake Tahoe in 2013. She survived freezing cold temps and finished. Ann inspires me literally on a daily basis. She loves triathlon and embraces training, not feeling as though she has to be the best or the fastest...she literally LOVES THE SPORT. Beyond that she is one of the most generous people I know and a true friend. She puts others before herself everyday and I only hope I can try to be as brave as her this year in my own endeavors. (www.triingtobefit.blogspot.com)

-S/V Wildcard: want to know what bravery and adventure really is all about? It's about a couple who leave everything behind and take a risk. Robin and Heather have left their life in Columbus, Ohio and have made plans to travel the world...by boat! They purchased a boat, the S/V Wildcard and have planned their route to all sorts of amazing places....the Caribbean, South America, New Zealand, etc. Heather plans to blog and document their experiences, so you HAVE to follow this blog. I'm super inspired by their commitment to each other and their willingness to ACT on their dreams! (www.svwildcard.com)

-Brave Girls Club: this is something I just discovered in the past month. I get daily emails from this site which have been incredibly helpful and supportive to me, especially recently. It's full of healthy, positive and encouraging messages of hope, resilience and bravery. Sign up for their daily emails...I promise you you'll be glad you did. (www.bravegirlsclub.com)

-Marathon Mum: Jeanne is everyone's favorite badass marathon mum! She's a longstanding coach in our running group and overall an encouraging supporter of all. She's run numerous marathons and is dipping her toes into the tri world.....I see big things happening for this lady in the next few years. Jeanne inspires me to continue reaching for goals and challenges, no matter your limitations, age or circumstances. She's an awesome lady to know! (www.mum2girls2.blogspot.com)

There you have it! Follow them! Be Bloggin'. Be Brave.

Be Chill

“Progress is rarely a straight line. There are always bumps in the road, but you can make the choice to keep looking ahead.” -Kara Goucher

One of the things we consistently try to instill in our clients is the reality that just because we “feel” something to be true (emotionally speaking) doesn’t automatically make it true. Clients at times feel something SO strongly (anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, etc) that they quickly believe that feeling this way is a crisis and something to run from, avoid or hide from.  The truth being that the majority of the time their emotions, while valid and worthy of noting, are often not the true picture of reality.  Good therapeutic work can come from helping clients notice their emotions WITHOUT being controlled by them.  Life happens and emotions come and go. Feeling anxious, angry, sad or fearful isn’t a crisis. It’s not a sign that they are a “bad” person.  Feelings are just little signals that want to be honored and recognized. We can honor our emotions and our feelings without feeling paralyzed by them and thus ineffective in moving through life in healthy ways.

This is, of course, always easier said than done. At times, I feel like the poster child for making things into a crisis.  This comes out most apparently when I’m sensing an ache or pain in my body or even a full blown injury.  I’m one week out from my spring marathon in Athens, Ohio (http://www.athensmarathon.org/Athens_Marathon/home.html).  All season long I’ve had a little nagging pain in my left hip but it’s been nothing too challenging, usually goes away with some stretching and rest.  Being on the treadmill for about 75% of my runs this year (don’t get me started on this crappy winter) hasn’t helped.  Having a job where I sit 90% of my day doesn’t help.  About a week ago I had a long tempo run that I barely finished. Afterwards I hurt...REALLY hurt. The next day I was limping and when I would push on my hip, I cringed. This sent me over the edge. WHAT AM I GOING TO TO? WILL I BE ABLE TO RUN? WHAT IF I CAN’T? WHAT WILL I DO? WHAT IF IT’S A STRESS FRACTURE? WHAT IF IT’S WORSE? WHAT IF I CAN’T DO MY IRONMAN? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

When things like this happen I will either: 1. Figure out contingency plans...usually plan B, C and D; or 2. Completely shut down. Both seemed likely (after the panic of course). Before I had even talked to my coach about my pain I had formed other plans in my mind to suggest in order to help myself feel like I was back in control of the situation. That’s the BIGGEST problem with injury….we feel completely out of control. We somehow want to regain said control by a number of various ways OR we just get pissed because no athlete I know doesn’t like to have control of their body. Never did I consider that I had time to work through this injury and that perhaps, just perhaps I could still run Athens.

After talking to my coach, I went full steam ahead. I got my hip checked out, no stress fracture. Diagnosis: a strained TFL muscle, which is due to my weak hips...something I’ve known about for years (read about TFL here: http://www.rehab4runners.co.uk/running-injuries/hip-groin-pain/tfl-pain/). My sports doc said I could rehab it with some rest, good ART massage and some PT. Ok, feeling a tad better. Next was my chiropractor. Same decision. I could rest, keep up with my swimming, biking and light running and get some ART massage. Last was my ART massage therapist. Same feeling, it’s the the TFL and I could still do this. Ok, so if the professionals are all saying the same thing, and my coach is still pushing me to mentally look towards Athens instead of backing out, maybe I can calm the heck down a little.

So I’m resting. And tapering. And trying to stay positive. Today is the first day I’ve woken up and not felt much hip pain (knock on wood). I’ve tried to really rest and trust that the hay is in the barn. I’m going to embrace the taper enough so that I'm itching to get going on April 13 at 8am in Athens, Ohio. And I’m going to calm down and recognize that this entire training life is about progression, perseverance and patience. Just because I panic and freak out doesn’t mean I’m in a crisis or need to make a crisis out of my situation. I need to practice what I consistently preach...calm the $#%^ down and breathe. This isn’t a crisis. I’ll be ok and I’m capable enough to figure this out. Be chill. Be Brave.

Be Brave

My initial thoughts of starting a blog were back in the winter of 2012. Having made the commitment to sign up for Ironman Louisville in August 2012, I was embarking on a huge journey. It was incredible scary, and perhaps a little foolish. At that point I had over 15 marathons, 13-15 half marathons and numerous 10k’s and 5k’s under my belt, but only ONE triathlon. And that one triathlon was an “indoor” triathlon. Seriously, what was I thinking?

Swim portion of my triathlon EVER-McConnell Indoor Tri, November 2011

But my thought was to start a blog to journal about my process and the progression of my training. I never went through with it….and I definitely know why. I was SCARED to death to put my words out there. I was full of fear….fear that nobody would care about another blog in the world, fear that I’d sound ridiculous...but the ultimate fear was that I would FAIL. I was terrified to tell the world about my Ironman journey out of a deeply held insecure fear that I wouldn't be able to “handle” the immensity of an Ironman triathlon and I’d fail. Then, in my mind, my entire journey would be laughable.  I remember that during the initial training period I never even told others at my workplace what I was doing….the fear of failure was too high.

And on top of that there were the questions that I didn't want to answer. “Why in the world would you want to do that? How much are you paying for this torturous day? Isn't that kind of selfish? Why? Won’t you really hurt yourself? What are you trying to prove? You've only done ONE triathlon? What were you thinking when you signed up for THE ultimate triathlon?”

Most of these questions were ones that circumnavigated around my head through the months but my deep seeded fear was that everyone else was thinking the same thing. And truthfully I’m sure that some of them were. I’m certain that many people (including myself at times) thought I was crazy.

In the end, I poured myself into that training year and finished 2012 Ironman Louisville. It was a HUGE accomplishment for me and one of which I’m very proud.

Finish line-IMKY 2012

The point of re-hashing all of this is to finally put “out there” that I’m taking a stand against my fears. This year, I”m not only going to be training for my second Ironman distance triathlon….Ironman Arizona (November 16, 2014), but I'm making a commitment to face my fears and challenge my demons head-on. And there are many of them….my fears are both small and large: fears of being financially broke, fears of being rejected, fears of being alone, fears of being forgotten, fears of failure (in anything...sports, life, career, etc)......so you get the point. There’s a lot. I won’t bore you with the details.

So I’m slowly discovering that living a fear based life pretty much sucks. And it’s not helping me be happy or thrive. In fact it’s holding me back. My fears are real and they are strong.  They've held me back from taking numerous chances and risks because I didn't know the outcome beforehand. They've kept me in miserable places because I wasn't willing to take a chance. Professionally, as an eating disorder clinical therapist, I’m asking my clients to trust me and take chances and face their fears literally everyday. If I”m not able to ask the same of myself, then I’ve got bigger problems.

So starting today, April 1, 2014, I’m taking a small step towards one of my fears. My 34th birthday is later this month and I figured it was a good time to start. I’m going to begin writing that blog I never began over 2 years ago. I’m going to blog about whatever I desire, be it about the Ironman or not…..and I’m going to put it out there and try (really hard!) not to fear how it could be received, if at all.  And truthfully this might not inspire anyone or be read by anyone (besides my mom), and that’s ok. It’s time to be brave.